Inscription of Hope
by Quin Firefrorefiddle
Summary: What do you miss most about life before the red pill? The crew of the Neb knows their answers, what would yours be?


Inscription of Hope  
  
By: Quin Firefrorefiddle  
  
Description: "What do you miss most from the Matrix?" The survivors and newest member go around the table, and Tank is unable to stem the melancholy.  
  
Rating: G  
  
Section: Drama  
  
Author's Note: Unsurprisingly I don't own the Matrix or this song. The song is called "Inscription of Hope", also unsurprisingly, and someone else owns it, it's based on a poem written on a cellar wall by a Jew hiding there during the Holocaust, I believe in Holland though I'm not sure. I think its lovely. I hope my story lives up to the history behind these words. On to the story!  
  
***  
  
iI believe in the sun   
  
Even when it is not shining,   
  
And I believe in love   
  
Even when there's no one there./i  
  
What do you miss most about life before the red pill? It's a common "game" we muddle through while we eat goop and avoid working. You have to come up with something different every time, and no cop out answers or anything you can get in the Real World. Its our effort at putting a good face on the past. Or at least group therapy.  
  
Today's no different. Neo, being a snot and not particularly good at this, starts it by asking me so he doesn't have to answer first.  
  
What do I miss most? Trees Naps Laughter Rain Bungalows NillaWafers Ovaltine Dew Weather Crowds... the normal kinds of answers don't do it for me today. Instead I sing softly, "The sun'll come up... tomorrow...." and let it fade off. They just sit there. Morpheus in particular is staring at me, but he seems to do that a lot. Newbies must make him nervous.  
  
"What, you miss bad children's musicals?" I don't know why Tank sits in on these mutual pity sessions. Anxious as always to keep melancholy away, he tried for the joke, but again it fell flat. His jokes have been doing that lately. Must be the angst floating around.  
  
"No." I pause a moment, try to find the words. "I miss knowing the sun will be back the next day. Its something you could count on. The next day there would be light. Light. Real light, not this half-light we stumble around in." I trail off again, and try to swallow some of my goop. Morpheus closes his eyes.  
  
Trinity takes up where I left off. "And it came in beauty and left in it. And even then there were stars, and the Moon. Do you remember what sunsets look like? The last time I saw a sunrise... the last time I counted on the sun rising the next day...."  
  
Neo slaps the table and runs his hand through his hair. "The only reason the sun rose was because it was programmed to. It was all pointless anyway. It never really happened. Why think about it?"  
  
Morpheus looks at him and shakes his head, sadly. "No part of your life is ever worthless, Neo. Each part must be valued for how it formed you, or it all really is worthless."  
  
iAnd I believe in God   
  
Even when he is silent,   
  
I believe through any trial   
  
There is always a way./i  
  
I turn to Trinity. "What do you miss most about life in the Matrix?"  
  
She pauses, and grins, though it doesn't reach her eyes. "Church services."  
  
"What?" We don't usually respond as a group, and momentarily startle at ourselves.  
  
"My family was very devout. We always, always went to church on Sundays. I didn't like it much then. But... it helped me. It meant that for a full hour no one would yell at me, sneer at me, hit me. I could be quiet and still and just relax, and not worry about life outside the walls of the sanctuary. I miss that feeling."  
  
We simply don't know what to say.  
  
iBut sometimes in this suff'ring   
  
And hopeless despair   
  
My heart cries for shelter   
  
To know someone's there./i  
  
She turns to Neo. "What do you miss most about life before unplugging?"  
  
He's still ticked at himself about his outburst earlier, and answers sulkily. "Respect for privacy."  
  
"No cop out answers." Tank can't play the game but he's the strictest enforcer of the rules. We have yet to figure that out.  
  
"It wasn't."  
  
"Then elaborate." Tank sits back and waits calmly for Neo to talk himself out of this one.  
  
"I miss... I miss my friends. We knew each other for years, could tell what was going on in each other's heads with a glance. We knew what questions to ask and when not to ask them. We had history. And we knew when to try and help and when to back off."  
  
He glanced up, guiltily. "Not that I don't consider you friends, you're family. But the history we have... it isn't the same." He grinned. "And you're a lot harder to read." We laugh, gently, and I bite my lip, remembering my own friends and friendships I left behind.  
  
iBut a voice rises within me   
  
Saying hold on my child   
  
I'll give you strength, I'll give you hope   
  
Just stay a little while./i  
  
"Morpheus, what do you miss most about what the Machines gave us?"  
  
He does another one of his enigmatic half-smiles and lets the moment hang in the air. "Peace."  
  
"What kind of peace?" Tank always is insistent on specifics.  
  
"What are my choices?"  
  
"Inner peace." Trinity.  
  
"War-less peace." Neo.  
  
"Quiet peace." Tank.  
  
"Worry-free peace." Me.  
  
"All of these, and more. We have none of them. And yet we will need all of them to succeed." He stands up. "Come, we must continue." And we follow him, as we always will.  
  
iI believe in the sun   
  
Even when it is not shining,   
  
And I believe in love   
  
Even when there's no one there./i  
  
Later, Tank and I are in the core, watching the code and keeping each other awake through the night shift. He goes on and on, as he sometimes does, in a lovestruck ramble about his beloved fiancee back in Zion. He has no picture, no handkerchief, no ring, but his memories are enough.  
  
"There was this one time, the first time I met her parents, and I was so scared I missed their place completely and barged in on this old couple and they were...."  
  
"We just couldn't stop fighting at one point, for about two months we were just constantly at each other's throats. She threw a chair at me once, it hit the wall behind me and her neighbor chewed us out...."  
  
"She was so thrilled I got to go on the Neb. Morpheus knew her father when he was just starting out, and they once nearly killed their captian with a loose bolt and a bent wrench...."  
  
I let him ramble. His memories are all he has. Reveling in them, he sometimes forgets that she died. It used to scare me, but you get used to the strangest things.  
  
iAnd I believe in God   
  
Even when he is silent,   
  
I believe through any trial   
  
There is always a way./i  
  
I'm getting a drink in the mess before bed, and run into Morpheus who is up extra early as always. We silently acknowledge each other and he's nice enough to pretend to ignore my lack-of-sleep-induced haze that I'm in. He sits down with his goop and eats it methodically, ignoring it, too, as much as is possible.  
  
"How do you do it?"  
  
"Do what?" He's looking at me expectantly. I must have spoken that out loud.  
  
"Keep your hope. How can you be so sure that we'll win?"  
  
"Because we will." His tone leaves no room for argument, but in for a penny....  
  
"The Oracle's said so, then?"  
  
"We will because we must. There is no alternative. The only ending to this we can expect is that we will win, because if we don't this will not end. We'll do it, somehow."  
  
"What if we can't?" Devil's advocate to the end.  
  
"We can. We have the will, there is a way. We will."  
  
iMay there someday be sunshine   
  
May there someday be happiness   
  
May there someday be love   
  
May there someday be peace./i  
  
I stop myself from entering the bridge. Neo and Trinity are inside, staring out into the darkness through the windows. Trinity's standing with her back against his chest and his arms are around her. On of her arms holds his to her waist, the other pulls his head to her shoulder.  
  
"Neo?" She whispers, unaware of my presence. "Neo, I'm pregnant."  
  
Will will win, there is no alternative. We have the will, there is a way. 


End file.
